I opened up my mailbox yesterday to find Adam Lambert peeking out at me. He is May’s cover story for Instinct Magazine. In the interview, Lambert talks about his upcoming album, Trespassing; his relationship with boyfriend Sauli Koskinen, a Finish reality star; and a wee bit about the issue I’d hoped would be addressed most–his lack of embracement within the gay community. Adam addresses this by stating that because he came from American Idol he may just be viewed as a flavor of the moment, but I believe that he is onto something more when he says:
“We’re very eager to celebrate a strong female. But to celebrate a fellow gay man–it gets catty sometimes.”
Adam is right. We are gaga over Gaga, mad about Madge and celebrate Cher; divas who let their freak flags fly; who own their individuality. So why is it that now that we have an out, proud gay male who fits that same mold; he is who he is, we are reluctant to embrace and own him in the same way? I believe that the answer lies in the fact that in some way Adam Lambert makes us ’embarrassed to be gay.’
We, as a gay male community, have still not completely managed to combat the steryotypical image in part of population’s heads that all gay men are ‘screaming queens.’ We long for a strong, butch, male to whom we can point and say ‘see world that is us.’ When we look at Lambert or a Johnny Weir, we are confronted with an image that makes us unconfortable. It makes us uncomfortable because it seems to reinforce a steryotype that we as a community are trying so hard to shatter in order to gain acceptance and full equality. The reality is, though, that men like Lambert and Weir are part of our community and we shouldn’t shy away from them.
We do have bold and striking members of our community who, while they may be sterotypes in some peoples minds, are individuals in their own. We should own those folks. We should own a Weir and a Lambert as much as we do a figure like a Gareth Thomas. Because while Lambert and Weir may not representallof us, they do represent some segment of our community. And those people are looking at Lambert and Weir; saying ‘that’s me’; and gaining confidence from that.
The Lamberts and Weir’s of the world are also making it easier for someone like a Ricky Martin or a Chely Wright to come out. Lambert and Wier are demontrating that you can be out and still have fans and a career. They are demonstrating ‘if I can do it, you can do it’ to others who may be more reluctant to be out and giving them just a little bit more courage and inspiration to reach for the knob on that closet door and turn it.
Finally, we should own the Lamberts and Weirs of the community because if we don’t, the haters will. The people who want to keep us down will use them to say ‘see gay people are different; they’re bad.’ Let’s not give them that power. When we own a Johnny Weir, we strip the power out of the hands of the haters to use those individuals as fear-mongering sterotypes against us. When we proudly claim Lambert as one of our own, we dilute the power of those who want to oppress us and make ourselves more empowered in the process. When we are proud of every intelligent, successful, well-adjusted person within our community no matter what stripe of the rainbow they make up, then we reduce the shame and stigma for everyone in the community and that’s the best reason of all to embrace our own.
Proud to Be Here 
You hit the nail on the fucking head. Thank you. He is rejected by his own community because he doesn’t represent EVERYONE in the community. Which is IMPOSSIBLE. He can only be himself. He is the FIRST. Breaking down barriers. That takes GUTS. I admire him for that. He deserves respect and support for that alone. Never mind that he has otherworldly talent. He’s amazing. I think people will start coming around. If not, its their loss really.
Wow, what a great article. While I’m not a member of the gay community, just a huge supporter and fan of Adam Lambert, this is extremely well written and thought provoking. Thank you for writing this. You make excellent points and I hope that Adam reads it too!
..Adam Lambert is an intelligent, talented and compassionate man ..what is there to be embarrassed about?…you should admire/support a person for their accomplishments and humanity ..not their orientation …and there’s a lot to admire and support in Adam Lambert ..
Great comments and insight. Agree with you wholeheartedly cause I was a little disheartened to see Adam apologize for his comments on Twitter last night. I think Adam is being more embraced by segments of the gay community but he is also minimized by some of the gay media, Queerty and Perez Hilton especially, who only want to cover Adam in a negative light.
I’m in tears after reading this wonderful, thought provoking and inspiring article. I don’t know who the writer is but I’d love to meet him, shake his hand and give him a big hug. I’m a straight female and agree with everything the writer said. Although Adam and Johnny are different in some ways they are also the same in others. They just want to be themselves w/o any apologies or have to make accuses for being gay. Since Adam Lambert came into my life over three years ago by just being himself it has forced me to open up my eyes and mind to the LGBT community and movement. Folks this is the new Civil Rights Movement whether we want to admit it or not. Blacks struggled in the same way for being different than what society wanted to accept. I say lets embrace all people regardless of their sexual orientation, race, culture or age.
I am part of the LGBTQ community and I am appalled by the lack of support Adam Lambert has received from us. How many OUT pop stars do we have anyway? I’m not sure what the “embarrassment” is about either; I’d rather see an out gay man own his “gayness” proudly than a gay man conforming to a heterosexual archetype in effort to appear straight. I suggest that any gay man who is uncomfortable with Adam Lambert’s Fierceness find a good therapist.
Great article. But I’m not sure about your implication that Adam is a screaming queen or that he in any way represents a gay stereotype. Why do you think so many straight/bi women are insanely attracted to him? Not because he’s a stereotypical gay male I can assure you. He is attractive because he is androgynous but has something about him that oozes masculine sexuality no matter WHAT he wears, or how much makeup he does or does not slap on his face on any particular day. Adam likes feminine style but also likes masculine styles. He comes across as a sort of Elvis Presley mixed with Robbie Williams with a dash of Liza Minelli. Have you seen any of the 100s of vids of him in concert? How could anyone think of a “screaming queen” when witnessing that intense, energetic, wild, sexually-charged masculine stage presence? SO I am puzzled as to what “stereotype” Adam is supposed to actually represent that makes the general gay community so “uncomfortable”. I note you don’t really say what you think it is.This is not to attack you for what I think is a great positive point of view and thought provoking article. I just don’t understand how gay men could be so keen to push Adam into a box when he quite obviously doesn’t fit into any box in existence and abhors the very idea of them. In fact, I thought THAT was the reason so many seem to have difficulty coming to terms with Adam. Because he confuses them by NOT fitting into any particular stereotype or label.
Dear Lottaspots, You got it right on! He is everything to his fans, feminine, masculine and all in between. He is beautiful and handsome, sexual and sincere, loving and caring, and hot, hot, hot! I am a hetero female, very mature and have discussed his allure with my husband over and over again. What does Adam have that keeps us coming back. His attitude, his over-the-top talent, his body movements on stage, his owning who he is, his love for his fans, some who don’t even call themselves Glamberts, and, of course, his beauty. I will go down to the wire for this guy. You better believe it
lottaspots – Very well said!!! Adam really doesn’t fit into any stereotype, which is part of what makes him so fascinating.
Thank you so much for this. Not to mention how Adam turns on millions of women (straight and gay) – with his voice and his sexiness!
Vicki, absolutely!
Bravo!!! Well said and I totally agree with your thoughts… Thanks for being brave enough to confront the situation and offer an opinion…
I’m a straight female fan of Adam Lambert and I find him extremely masculine and sexy. I wouldn’t call him “butch”, thank god – you wouldn’t want a lumberjack representing the gay comunnity would you? Everytime I see Adam on a TV show or in an interview he looks great (with or without makeup). Hes’ dresses well, he is charming, funny, articulate, polite, and intelligent. He is always getting comments from men and women on his looks, style, and talent. Adam is in no way effeminate, whereas, Johnny Weir is. Just because Adam Lambert wears costumes sometime during an performance doesn’t mean his personna is over the top. There is no way anyone should be ashamed of Mr. Adam Lambert, I am proud to be a fan and will not apologize to anyone for it. We need to embrances our differences no condemn them.
Lorie, thanks for the comments, I too am a heterosexual female and I love Adam. He has the best voice ever and has a sparkling personality. No one can sing better. His style is very different but classy. I love to hear him sing and love to watch him on TV.
The LGBT community confuses the hell out of me…you want (and rightfully should have) the same rights as all human beings ..to be loved and accepted for how you are..but when someone like Adam Lambert comes into the public consciousness and doesnt hide who he is and tells the world that we are a human race and should not be segregated into groups, you call him embarrassing?? How can LGBT expect all others to accept them, when they dont accept one of their own..Adam has opened a lot of minds, and made us think about what is worth valuing in our lives, no matter the race or orientation.. I say that if anyone is embarrassed by Adam for being a strong, proud, fiercely talented gay man, that it is YOU who are the embarrassments, not Adam.
“How can LGBT expect all others to accept them, when they dont accept one of their own” – And that’s it in a nutshell, isn’t it? To be accepted, one must be acceptING.
Adam Lambert is attractive (to many members of both sexes and all orientations), he’s well-spoken, articulate, honest and straight-forward. He has a good sense of humor, in general and also about himself. He demonstrates kindness to and appreciation for his fans, friends, family and business associates, while not allowing people to walk all over him. He’s quick to admit it and apologize when he’s done something he’s not particularly proud of, and learns from his mistakes. Whatever his private life is like, he sets a very good public example for young people of all orientations. There is absolutely no reason that any community should be embarrassed to be associated with this talented young man.
Thanks for this article. I am also gay and I absolutely agree with you and Adam. To me Adam IS a role model. As a “community”, we are as diverse as any community and that diversity should be all inclusive and celebrated. Robin W is also right about Queerty and PH. To me, they define cattiness. They are bullies.
I like your article, but I happen to think that Mr. Lambert is very masculine. Have you seen him lately? No makeup to speak of. Perhaps some pre-conceived notions are still out there.
just a thought
Nice article.
Great post, very thought provoking.
Lottaspots said it PERFECTLY….I agree with everything you said !!!
Once again Adam Lambert does something that starts a conversation; and good conversations lead to a better understanding and awareness of changes we all need to make in the way we think, the way we act, and the way we treat others. I am hoping Adam Lambert reaches the level of celebrity he deserves because of his talent, but I know we as a society will look back on his career and see the sacrifices he made to be the trail blazer for others that he never set out to be.
I don’t even see Adam Lambert as that feminine. I love that he seems to be in touch (and not afraid to show it) with his masculine side as much as his feminine side. I think a lot of people jump to huge conclusions based on a lot of misinformation and then don’t seem to want to look beyond that initial mind set.
Sorry- to me, Lambert is a VERY strong, masculine figure! He embodies the marriage of feminine and masculine and comes out sexy as hell. Shame on YOU , gay community if you do not embrace him. He makes you all look good!
Sometimes I think it’s more of a resentment than an embarrassment. He has come up in an environment of emotional love and support, which has fostered in him a strong sense of self. More thru a genuine naiveté than a pre-calculated stance, Adam has done what ever feels right to him at that moment. Wether it’s in costume are out, walking the red carpet with his boyfriend or walking the isles of a supermarket he’s just being Adam. His compromises have been minor compared to some, but should you hold that against him or embrace this new unguarded way of being a public figure who happens to be gay?
So didn’t proof read pls forgive
You took the words right out of my mouth. When Adam first came into the spotlight interviewers only wanted to talk about the fact that he is gay, but now that so many of them have come to appreciate his talent, his generosity (at his urging, his fans have raised over $1mil for charity,) his sense of humor, and his openness, the fact that he is an openly, proud gay man madly in love with his boyfriend, is just a footnote. Now, to most of them, he is a Grammy-nominated, worldwide star whose fans love him for everything he has taught them about being better people. All of you who belong to his “community” should be grateful to call him one of your own.
I appreciate the sentiment of this article but I think you are falling straight into that ‘wrong kind of gay’ trap yourself.
Have you ever taken time to pay any real attention to Adam Lambert or did you just look at his album cover or his flambouyant dress sense and label him ‘screaming queen’? You long for a ‘strong, butch male’ but you refuse to see that in a man who is living his life openly and unapologetically whilst displaying integrity, honesty, intelligence and compassion.
If you bothered to look past your own prejudices about certain “stereotypes” you’d see a lot of reason to be proud of Adam and I suspect the same can be said about Johnny!
Hmmm…when I first saw this article on twitter..I was intrigued by the title..and being a long-term and “out and VERY proud” Adam Lambert fan since I first laid eyes (and ears..) on him, I was excited to see a positive take on Adam and the GLBT community. Because, yes, I’ve seen the mixed bag of opinions re Adam from the community and have always been a little (or a lot) confused by the well, “confusion” and the hesitation of some to claim Adam as one of their own. (I have many friends within the gay community so I hesitate to use the world “they” when speaking of the GLBT community, but since I’m straight, I cannot rightfully include myself, so hence the “they”.) I read many of the articles about Adam, including the GLBT oriented mags and columns, but quite honestly I avoid the comments sections, because the comments are not always positive and so perhaps reflect what you are saying here. I suppose the gay community is a smaller, but yet in certain ways, representative of the larger hetero community when it comes to Adam and as a result, the sometimes true, but just as often false, impressions of who he is and what he represents, music wise, and persona wise..but with the added concern of “how does it reflect on us?” by the more conservative in the community. He’s been pushed and pulled in all directions, has been accused of being “too gay”, and “not gay enough” and “not representing the community”..etc..etc… He’s had a couple of what we might call “controversial” incidents, since his time on Idol, that have garnered lots of media attention, because as we know, controversy sells. Is that the main concern for some, of giving the community a “bad” name?? Just to be clear, by the way, I’m a straight female with a family full of Adam Lambert fans of all ages who really and truly love this guy, and could not give a s**t whether he is gay or straight, and at the same time, embrace his “gayness” along with his universal “human-ness”: he is in fact one of the better representatives of human being, in my opinion, (yes, I’ve met him..) which is really what counts to me.. It is a part of who he is. It gives him that extra dimension that perhaps would not be there if he were not gay.. He is quite fine just the way he is, and I don’t think he should change a thing.. It also seems to give him the courage and determination to go outside that “box” of strict American “maleness” and just entertain the hell out of us. He is the sum total of all of his life experience. And I hope people everywhere can learn to appreciate that.. One last comment and the one that gave me pause about this article: I am not sure I get the comparisons of Adam and Johnny Weir, who I also admire for his honesty and his ability to be himself. This statement in particular was concerning to me: “When we look at Lambert or a Johnny Weir, we are confronted with an image that makes us uncomfortable.” Adam, while he is fashion-minded, and sometimes rather androgynous in appearance, is not a screaming queen (although I think they’re just fine too!), and in fact EXUDES “male-ness”, perhaps the best parts of male-ness. He is tall, dark and handsome, and feminine, he isn’t. Not in my book! My husband even comments on the fact that he is QUITE handsome and has never thought he was anything but masculine, make up and all..He is kind, generous, polite, and honest. Not to mention, millions of women around the world would agree that the last thing Adam Lambert is, is “un-masculine”, myself being one of them. Adam is going a slightly different direction with his image for his new album TRESPASSING: maybe that will help those in the community that have been uncomfortable with Adam’s perceived post-Idol Glam Nation Tour “image”, to learn to appreciate and embrace Adam, and don’t take the time to see him for who he really is. He is also brave enough to include a song that speaks directly to the GLBT community, and hopefully the world, or at least America, with “Outlaws of Love”, his heartbreaking song about Marriage Equality and the lack thereof in most states in the US, and the frustration it causes as a result. (I’m from WA..hoping our current law is upheld and Marriage Equality is a reality here..Baby steps..) And his very personal baring-his-soul song “Underneath” which speaks to this very subject of those who do not really know the “real” Adam Lambert. I do feel in the long run he will be a VERY positive and very beloved member of the larger GLBT community, just as he has become in the hearts of his many fans, who come from all walks of life, orientations, and parts of the world. If they will only listen. Last of all, Adam’s apology to the GLBTcommunity on twitter last night broke my heart just a little bit. He of all people knows what he said to be true. This article confirms it. Thank you for speaking up. Mary
Thank you. It has amazed me how the gay community seemed to rip this man apart. I wonder if you understand just how many straight people this man has brought to your side. My 85 yr old mother just gave money to The Trevor Project because of Adam. He has millions of fans who will help, and vote to get you your civil rights. He deserves to be respected by his own community.
LGBT community calling Adam an embarrassment is so catty to me. Stereo type? Adam likes what he likes and confident enough to be who he is. That is enough to be admired for no matter who it is. The only people who think Adam is the image of screaming queen are in the gay community, and the haters. But the haters hate no matter what or who. Adam is an entertainer whose music and style will evolve in frequency, and he’s just getting started. And based on his fan base, he’s got more masculine sexiness than any butch strong gay or straight male. The world is one and yet there are so many different culture reside on it. Isn’t it what makes this world interesting? Would you want to travel to another part of the world if they all look alike and did the same? Wouldn’t gay community be really boring, if all of them are butch strong male and perfectly PC? The lack of diversity would definitely stifle straight community. I personally do not see him as a gay man, I just see him as a very handsome man who sings better than anyone I have ever heard. And that he’s an incredibly generous, kind and sweet person. At this point, I’m pretty embarrassed for the gay community for shunning their own, especially such a good soul. Catty? Definitely!
I (straight female) love both Adam and Johnny Weir – Adam is very masculine and sexy to me, his voice is to die for and gives goosebumps, and Johnny is sly, exotic, witty and such a great athlete with an androgynous twist. To me they are quite different, but equally valuable individuals. Why would they embarrass anyone? If anything, they have brought greater awareness and understanding to a great many people, Adam’s fanbase as an example.
Excellent points. I blogged the other day that wonderful men, in the entertainment industry anyway, like Neil Patrick Harris are great, but about as “red state” friendly as you can get. Lambert is left of center, not particularly traditional, yet still possesses this boy next door quality that I find a beautiful asset of representation to a certain facet of the LGBT community. As Lambert has said himself at the Glaad Awards he performed at, diversity WITHIN the community is a major issue to be considered. My gosh, if the LGBT community itself can’t embrace the more left of center citizens among them, they must feel very alone, makes me sad. I say above Lambert is hardly traditional, yet he is beautifully traditional in his kindness, intellect, decency, every-day-joe-ness, etc. He is the boy next door, just a different kind of boy next door, but no less wholesome at the core. I do not understand how he is not a stunning representative of one part of a larger community… not to mention how he seems to conduct himself off the stage on a daily basis, to me, is a lovely representation of the community of HUMAN BEINGS!
I think both Lambert and Weir are both great, but this article lumps them together as if they are, what? The same ‘type’ of gay? With the exception of mega hair and glitter, really, I don’t see them as all that similar. They’re both extraordinary in their own way and I wish the gay community would support them. 🙂
I’m incredibly bored by the straight men in my life. What turns me on about Adam is his unique combination of powerful masculinity and casual femininity. He’s an original who refuses to be anybody but himself, and that must rankle some people. And he’s hard working and brilliantly talented too. That gets him hated right there. I hope Trespassing helps him achieve all he’s ever dreamed of (and deserves).
It’s actually the ultimate betrayal, since the queeny (best sense of the word) paved the way for the butch ones to have a “normal” life. #LongLiveTheWeird
Exactly. Long live the memory of the transgender drag performer who changed the world at Stonewall. Oh wait. That would mean the children would have to know their history.
Is part of this whole issue that some gay men don’t want to embrace someone who makes probably 18 out of the 20 people in the room hot & bothered? No matter what those 20 people’s deets are? Seriously, I’m asking?!
I agree with Linda: That man is one hot bitch, and is allllllll man…. his fierceness onstage is unbelievably sexy, steamy, hot hot hot… and yet, is vulnerable at times. He is a wide open book, he invites us to read, absorb and learn. And those sky high long lean legs encased in black leather just kill me. Yep. ALLLLL man.
Well-considered and well-written article, and some great comments here as well. Like Libralaurie, I’m a bit baffled. Adam is not masculine enough, so he’s an embarrassment? You have to be kidding. When members of the gay community stop dressing up as they do for parades, I’ll take that seriously. Meanwhile, I would think that Adam’s spirit – as generous, strong, and unapologetically gay as it is – and his support of the gay community, would matter to the gays more than a few stage costumes.
“Why do you think so many straight/bi women are insanely attracted to him? Not because he’s a stereotypical gay male I can assure you.”
Exactly! But I think that is part of it. Maybe even a lot of it.
From the outside looking in, I wonder if such conflicted opinions in the gay male community are based in the fact that Adam is the focus of so much female fantasy. Legions of women of all ages swoon over the infamous glambulge. A peek of bare tummy, a photo with freckled lips, rumors of a nipple piercing…and the blogs go nuts. If I were a gay man, I think that might be both confusing and annoying. And I might somehow, on some level, blame Adam for it.
He is theatrical and flamboyantly over the top (sometimes), fierce alpha male (sometimes), “regular guy” shopping at Whole Foods (sometimes)…and then there is that cover article in Details with the gorgeous female model…and Adam’s admission that he can enjoy kissing women when he has had a few drinks…now throw in his stage performances where he OWNS his many-faceted sexuality, deep kissing his bassist, simulating masturbation with the mic, or diving into the audience to tongue a female fan.
Yet it is crystal clear that his central orientation and core identity is non-ambiguous, no matter how much we straight women fans would like to fantasize otherwise.
So I say to members of the gay (male) community who are on the fence about Adam, or on the opposite side: Guys, Adam is yours. With the adoration of millions of women, he could easily have gone the Rock Hudson route, but he didn’t. He owns who he is. Would it be so hard for you to own him back? And for his own community to support him, wholeheartedly and enthusiastically? I don’t mean embrace his music; that is a matter of taste. But if you can’t embrace Adam the gay man, I respectfully suggest that perhaps you should look deep inside yourself to figure out why.
Straight young woman here. Thank you for your article. I can’t imagine even for a moment why the gay community would be embarrassed by Adam Lambert, because there’s an awful lot to be proud of. He’s an intelligent, well-mannered, articulate, generous, kind, honest, good-humored, talented, ever-so-handsome well-adjusted man. Man. Just a man with all the attributes that any human being should aspire to. Each and every one of us on this planet is an individual–some are good, some are not, some are flamboyant, some are shy, some are thieves, some are nuns, some are black, some are buddhists, some are insecure, some are confident…..the list is endless, but in every one of these things, some will be gay and some will be straight. And what that has to do with anything, I will never know.
Pam….I just want to say how much I agree with you.You have written a very thoughtful and inspiring comment. Well said.
Damn if he does and damn he doesn’t. Adam goes around preaching love and acceptance. And sadly for him, it starts from his own. My heart goes out to him, because many of us straight people feel what he feels from the gay community — A cold shoulder. And for no other reason than being a kind hearted, confident and extremely talented young man trying to make it in a very finicky industry as a gay man. Here’s wishing him all the best.
I am a straight female in my 50s. I am so proud of Adam for being brave enough to be himself. I personally have moved from an attitude of ‘tolerance’ of the gay community to a true acceptance – all thanks to the example Adam has set. It is high time that we let each other be who we are without prejudice and I am so glad Adam has the guts to be himself. Bravo!!!
First of all, the fact that you lump Johnny Weir and Adam Lambert into the same category is hilarious to me. Nothing against Weir, but I doubt that all the straight women whose husbands benefit from the foreplay Adam supplies at his concerts see him as anything but an alpha, HBIC male who chooses to sleep with men. And those who tried to pass Sauli, his boyfriend, off as some little twink should do some research. They are both strong, hot, confident men who make so many of those not familiar or not comfortable with gay relationships more willing to embrace thts alternative lifestyle.
My brother is gay, also a hot, confident man, who has admired Adam’s courage and leadership(and talent) from the beginning and when he met him at an awards show last year, his admiration was reinforced.
Adam Lambert did more for LGBT people in 5 minutes on TV November, 23, 2009 than any other person in entertainment history. ALL of his interviews from the dastardly Aaron Hicklin FUBAR’d Out Interview through present day have been thoughtful, intelligent and poignant. He is a post gay man living in a pre gay society. Especially with gay men, who, for lack of something better to do,chose to target him with willfully uninformed, uneducated comments and throw shade as sport..
Thanks to Adam Lambert we brought GLAAD to their knees in 2009 when Jarrett Barrios couldn’t get his act together after the ABC blackballing of Lambert from the AMA. After PROVING GLAAD was in bed with ABC by simply reviewing their 501C3 filing it was undeniable and after 3 attempts, Barrios finally got a coherent statement out there. Now we see where he is, right? Banished for other corruption. PFFFT.
Lambert has balls of steel and is the perfect hero to today’s generation, who have been forced to carry the torch for all their elders who still do nothing and won’t live an out and proud life. Not to mention, Lambert’s fans are the mothers, sisters, lawyers, plumbers and dog walkers of the homophobic men and future children who will take over the nation’s politics by attrition. And it doesn’t hurt that Lambert’s fans have donated well over $1 Million to his chosen charities.
When his anonymous haters are just half as brave as him, and reveal their true names in public, we’ll talk. Meanwhile we still hear “I just don’t like him/his music” as an excuse to not spend a lousy $5.00 on his music to keep him charting. Go figure. Classic self hatred, IMO.
And effeminate? REALLY? LOL So everyone’s a top, ok. The problem IS they don’t know what to do with such a toppy killer fierce person like Lambert LOL.