Alec Baldwin Needs Some Insult Schooling From Chris Kluwe

Oh, crazy uncle Alec. He’s stepped into it again with his alleged gay slur comments to a paparazzo. This recent outburst follow his recent comments calling a reporter a ‘toxic queen.’ It has left the lesbian and gay community wondering if Alec is really on our side and Alec telling us ‘I like you. I really, really like you.’

I don’t think that Alec’s outbursts reveal him to be a closet homophobe. He has been a supporter of gay rights and marriage equality. I do believe his outbursts reveal him to be holding onto old school or, more descriptively, junior high school insults. Guys aren’t very creative when we try and tear each other down. In junior high,

we learn the most hurtful thing that we can say is some kind of gay slur or motherfucker or, when we get real creative, ending an insult with ‘your mom.’ As we grow older we outgrow the last two, but hold onto the first. Men haven’t come up with any new, good insults in these days where the old standbys are no longer acceptable. This is the problem that Alec struggles with. In his anger, he reaches for the first accessible insult; the old standbys. What Alec needs is not an apology tour, but some new schooling from former Viking’s punter Chris Kluwe.

Ah, Chris Kluwe, the master of the creative insult adjective imagery. Kluwe, that verbal virtuoso. It was Kluwe he gave us the phrase “lustful cockmonster” in his open letter to Emmett Burns, Maryland politician, during Maryland’s marriage equality fight. This, along with other colorful phrases; “mindfuckingly, obscenely hypocritical”, endeared Kluwe to the gay community. It is this kind of phrasing that Alec needs to learn.

Alec should ring up Kluwe. Talk with him over coffee (or perhaps a crossword puzzle) to learn some better adjectives that he can use as insults to those who aggravate him, but are less insulting to our community. Perhaps, they could even exchange ideas over twitter. Both men seem to take to it readily, but only Alec seems to have the more regretful tweets.

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